Ripple Maker

Well I've been waiting for an opportune time to write this and since I know a video I recently posted is going to be broadcasted on several major news outlets tonight. I figured some people might wonder into this blog.

Before you read there's a couple things you should know about me. For starters, I'm not the best speaker, writer, or even promoter. Hence why I'm using a 15 seconds of fame on a news outlet to talk about something serious. Anyways, I've been working as a nurse for the last year and before the NURSE LIFE I worked in IT for almost a decade. For those who don't know what that is, it's basically computers. During those love/hate years of IT I volunteered in the inner city mentoring high school guys, leading small groups, making a fool of myself, and walking through addictions with friends and family. In high school I myself was on a blazing fast trail of addiction that consisted of porn, ecstasy, prescription pills, weed, excessive alcohol, stealing, and selling. At 19 I was caught in a drive by shooting when a.45 caliber bullet missed my heart by what can only be described as "micro"meters! To this day, I'm so grateful my life didn't end that day, instead since then I've been on this journey of renewal. Something I want to go a little deeper into later. Hopefully to this point I have your attention and at the very least convinced you to hear me the rest of the way out (insert praying hand emjoi)

When we think of addiction, we tend to think of it in the context of drugs, alcohol, gambling, and even pornography. You know, the ugly stuff! But what about food, work, hobbies, SOCIAL MEDIA? These are the more palatable cravings we have. Meaning when you hear them, they're less inclined to have negative feelings with it. But what do all these have in common with one another? All addiction roots itself as a coping mechanism because all addiction disguises itself as form of comfort to avoid stress. Like the saying goes, "numb the pain". Think about it. Pain pills help make a person comfortable by reducing inflammation and producing a euphoria, porn produces arousal and fantasy which both can make a person comfortable for at least a few minutes, and what about something we all can relate to in the south, comfort food? Any body hungry for a meat in three?! You see at the end of the day we're all addicted to something. But some things are more acceptable than others. This is one of the things I tell my patients and their families who are in the dark fight of heroin and meth. I feel it gives them the freedom to not be ashamed anymore. Just to know we all fight addiction in some way brings a little hope.

While the world struggles to answer the opioid crisis I firmly believe there's not much of a difference between someone who is overweight, watches porn, or addicted to heroin. As long as the root cause of doing these is the same. Call it a spirit of addiction if you will. When life gets hard I tend to say with my best Nick Saban voice, it's how we chose to respond to adversity in our life that will determine our success. As funny as it sounds, its true. When we let our circumstances dictate how we feel we become like a wave tossed back in forth in the ocean.

All kidding aside, my prayer is you will begin to recognize that all addiction roots itself as a form of coping with stress and when your stress levels rise the temptation to negatively cope with it increases. No one can avoid stress all together because we don't live in a perfect world. My pastor always says, you're going to have trouble in this world. "Well pastor, please be more positive!" He always responds, "I'm POSITIVE you're going to have trouble in this world". It's funny but true. Jesus said it 2,000 years ago and it still holds true today. Your see stress is the place in our life where there is the most friction and yet the most temptation. But for the most of us are struggling for our lives in addiction because we fail to recognize it.

Think about it this way... think of it in 5 phases. The first phase is curiosity, the second experimenting, third - Social (recreational), fourth - adaptation, and fifth - addicted. Not every addiction starts with curiosity but every addiction starts in one of these phases before the fifth phase of addiction is reached. I can name several twenty-somethings that when they turned 21 the first thing they did was go to the bar. Social right? Then what about that Friday when you've had a long day at work, rather a long week at work and now instead of it being social its a place to unwind as we call it. Then every Friday becomes a trip to the bar. I'm convinced most all addictions start out this way. We're unaware of our tipping point, we cope in the wrong ways and in its wake we find ourselves not being able to go without.

I hope I'm not conveying everyone needs to just toughen up and deal with it when they've had a long work week that seemed to never end. Actually just the opposite, we need to deal with the stress but do it in a healthy way. Instead of running to a bar for instance, hang out with a good friend, call the folks and go to dinner, take your spouse out on a date. If you don't have anybody at all, be bold and start putting yourself in a place to make new friends and don't settle for just any friends. Find the good ones who want to be around you. They're out there I promise. It may take some time but keep putting yourself out there. If you have a hard time relating to others, be patient give it time. Be open to getting to know people with a different background than you. Be willing to grow and don't isolate yourself.

I hope the little I shared encouraged you. I know I'm barely brushing the surface on addiction. But I do hope what I shared was helpful and gives you some understanding on a very complicated subject. There is so much more I want to share especially if I know what I'm sharing is useful and making a difference for people. Please email me or leave a comment on any topics I can go over. I have many more areas to touch, especially one of my family's own personal struggle with drugs and gambling.

God Bless,

Jason

My interest in 50 Shades of Grey would have never come about if it wasn’t for a “silly” elective class called, Intro to American Popular Culture. The first week of class our teacher challenged us to look into our lives and see how pop culture influences us. As she meticulously went through the syllabus, we came to week three, where she informed us we were to write and critique a form of fictional work that has influenced our culture. To be honest, I could have cared less about the subject matter of the paper and even more the class. I don’t watch a lot of TV or keep up with latest fads and trends, so I started racking my brain about books like, Harry Potter and Twilight and how I knew almost nothing about them. Then, one of my classmates, a single mom with 3 daughters, who I admire, asked our teacher if she could write about 50 Shades of Grey. The two began talk back and forth as my friend started to make her case for the book’s relevance. Then, in middle of her sentence, I shouted “its girl porn!” The whole class turned and looked at me. “I had heard of this book before!” Just weeks ago, while shopping for groceries, my mom bought the trilogy after hearing it was a great book but not fully aware of its content. Like most girls I know, she was appalled and after reading only a few chapters she returned the collection back to the store. As for my classmate, she had a different take. Surprisingly, despite my blunt outburst she conceded with a slight nod and a “yes it is Jason, but there’s more to it”. What more can there be? It’s a dirty book and girls reading it do not see a problem with it, there’s nothing more to be said! I am ashamed to say it, but I didn’t listen to any of her further points and in the next five minutes we were on to our next assignment and I had won the battle and proven my point!

As class ended that night and the next week rolled by, I thought more and more about my blunt remarks and narrow-mindedness to my friend’s argument. Conviction started to set in and even if I was right, why are so many Christians like me unwilling to listen to an opposing argument that is different from my beliefs? I believe for me, that day, there was no grey area. I knew I was right so I became very opinionated and vocal. I only had two weeks to get the paper written and I was still undecided about which fictional piece to write about. Two Sundays before the paper was due, I sat down in front of my computer and started to brainstorm. I entertained the idea of writing about my first ideas Harry Potter and Twilight again and even thought about the new Batman trilogies that Christian Bale played in, but nothing seemed to silence the echoing remarks my classmate left me with, “Jason, there’s more to it”. So after hours of going back and forth, I reluctantly made the commitment to investigate why so many women are saying the same thing. I began researching the web, interviewing other women who have read the book, and eventually started to read the book myself. The next few paragraphs I want to expose the truth and cultural significance of this book and why so many women are endorsing it.

As most of us know, 50 Shades of Grey is a fictional erotic novel written by female British author E.L. James. Its existence spawned out of fan fanatic interest when the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer came to an end. The book is about a young girl, Anastasia “Ana” Steele who is 22, a virgin, and just finishing up her senior year of college when she meets Christian Grey, 28, who is a wealthy, arrogant, attractive business man. The relationship starts when Ana fills in for her roommate Kate and interviews Mr. Grey for an upcoming piece in the university newspaper. Soon after, Christian gives Ana his business card and she reluctantly calls him after being persuaded by her roommate.

As the plot unfolds, Mr. Grey shows his intentions by confessing to Ana he wants to have sex with her and presents her with a BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism) contract and a non-disclosure agreement that reveals the secrecy and sadistic details of the impending relationship. Upon discovering Ana is still a virgin, Christian decides Ana should only sign the non-disclosure agreement. Despite the shock of Mr. Grey’s sadistic invitation, she forgoes her virginity and finds herself extremely drawn to him and concedes with his request. Ana’s persuasion is a result of her own ill-behaved curiosity, combined with Christian’s charming good looks and commanding persona; she is wooed by him. However, as the relationship progresses, Ana learns Christian is far from perfect and is conflicted as she believes there is more to him than meets the eye. In brief, the two eventually succumb to their feelings for one another and ultimately marry and have kids.

April Alliston, a professor at Princeton University later writes, 50 Shades of Grey is “no literary masterpiece” (Alliston, 2012). The book has been widely criticized for its poorly written content and predictable storyline. To add to the scrutiny, scenes in 50 Shades of Grey have strikingly similar comparisons to scenes from the Twilight series, which by its own right was equally successful as a novel and later more as a movie. Even with the negative reviews, the book has had great success among women readers who in spite of Christian’s obscure personality, readers indulge in the fantasy of a young woman adored by her mysterious, devoted, confident, and commanding lover. In the category of erotic novels, 50 Shades of Grey fits the mold for such a genre, while its character’s sexual behavior should be classified taboo.

So why are so many women depriving themselves of sleep to submerge all night into this erotic novel? One reason might be, just like all novels or movies, it is a fantasy and an escape from the reality. In one aspect, the book is about an average woman who doesn’t fit the typical mold for an attractive woman in today’s society, but because of her modest yet candid nature she catches the eye of an extremely desired man. Yet in another aspect, it is the illusion of love depicting the struggle a woman has with her lover’s imperfections (in this case sadism) and the perpetual love she is gripped by. After interviewing numerous women, the demographic majority of followers who read 50 Shades of Grey are moms, married or divorced and regardless of the generalization, readers romanticize with Christian who is by no stretch the perfect guy, but has one uncanny talent, he knows what his woman “Ana” wants. He is attractive, confident, intentional, and thoughtful. What woman does not want a man who is in tune with her needs emotionally and is well versed in relationships? Apart from his masochistic dark side, Christian Grey seems to be a rare find in men and if actions speak louder than words he is the ideal message of what these women are not saying they want in a relationship. No wonder the book has sold at record rates and has made E.L. James one of the most influential people by Times Magazine; women readers can connect with Ana’s intimate yet personal balancing act, while overlooking Christian’s masochistic behavior.

Furthermore, there appears to be a common theme among women who have finished the book. They could not put it down, something unexplainable kept the pages turning and for the most part, none of them knew exactly why. One theory might be is to look at pornography and before balking at the possibility, consider the evidence. The root of pornography appeals to three parts of the mind, fantasy, arousal, and satisfaction, so if women want to understand why men watch porn, it is because men obtain gratification without the commitment. Not to say men don’t want commitment. Let me say it another way, they get satisfaction without the investment in the relationship. It’s easy! Not to mention it is a coping method for stress and over time men who repeatedly watch porn become desensitized to what they are seeing while more explicit images become more acceptable and are needed for arousal. Mr. Grey does this sound familiar? Not to go too far down a rabbit trail, but this is why a lot of men are so addicted to porn! 50 Shades of Grey and its ‘soft porn’ content appeals to two out of three senses, fantasy and arousal; the longing for satisfaction might be what keeps the pages turning. Whether James meant to or not, the captivated audience her book draws is mothers who are married or been divorced. The exact reason why this genre of women is so drawn to this book is unclear.

In addition from the obvious allure and fantasy the book offers, the reality is, readers can personally identify with Ana and Christian’s romance on some level. Does it mean their relationship is sadistic like the one describe in the book? Not necessarily. Remember it is a fantasy. Nonetheless what does it imply and what does it say about our cultural values? Christian Grey himself sums it up best when he tells Ana “free your mind and listen to your body”. Throughout the book it is implied that whatever feels good, do it. E.L James successfully reduces the innocence and mystery of a new relationship down to purely a sexual interaction based on compromise, pleasure, and hedonism. 50 Shades of Grey sends the message that a woman’s purity should not be held in high regard, or then again, maybe the value of such a treasured gift has long been diminished before this book was ever even written.

Ripple Maker

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